Heard that Designer Graham Ferris from HTV West has died. Hot on the heels of my mother's examination yesterday, l feel l see 'death' in my wing mirror! My mother told me on the telephone this morning how positive she felt. She is an inspiration to me. I took my tea out into the garden and sat at the table with both cats in front of me and felt the sun on my face and watched the swifts giving me a free aerial ballet overhead and felt humbled. l am now in the attic and about to chant. Lawrence the cat has just moaned in his sleep and stretched. How cathartic this is. It does not matter that no one but me will be reading these jottings.

To all those people to whom l have sent emails, which were polite and friendly, and have not replied....... l do not care! It is time to let go of you all and turn to face my future where l am. Tonight l heard my mother may have throat cancer. She is 82. Three years ago she had major heart surgery. She is a fighter. My sisters and l - with the help of my partner and theirs - will help her fight this one. My younger sister gets married at the end of this month. Around the same time my mother has to have a biopsy. She will not want to miss the wedding. Whatever happens we will ensure she does not. My mother lives each day to the full. I intend to learn from her. If l am now invisible to various people to whom l have been professionally attached in the past, then let it - and me - be their loss and not mine. I have a lovely home and a loving partner and family. I will turn to my research and get on with my life.

Friday morning and another sunny day in Totnes. I am about to start writing my paper for UWE. Exploring through the evidence l have found for an interest in the fate of the ss Great Britain in Bristol prior to her Falklands 'rescue' in 1970. Also evidence of other Bristol-built vessels that at least some people wanted to save. As usual l have gone off on a tangent - but that's the journalist in me. Interesting to note a stamp featuring the ship published in 1952! Looking at the rubbish on the path coming back from the gym l wondered whether the town might like to hold a 'Tut tut day'. T-U-T standing for Tidy Up Totnes! Australia has a national day making people aware of their immediate neighbourhood and how they should be responsible for it. Cannot see why we should not do similar. Starting on a local level. Hey. Just going out and picking up the rubbish outside your own front door would help! It is no different than BP polluting the Florida Coast. Just man-made pollution in miniature. On that score - BP - we don't hear about the American companies in the partnership nor do we discuss the oil-hungry greed of America to drill, drill and drill. l hear there is plenty of pollution around the oil wells in Nigeria also!

Thursday night and l have spent much of the day with friends Peter and John looking into hidden corners in the town of Totnes. Finally went into the Guildhall and met the town clerk Rachel. She is blond and about 24? Amazing Jacobean place with oak furniture and dark stone cells full of mannequins - obviously given an ex departmental new life as representations of the poor souls who were locked up in that place. Having - of course - been dragged by their ankles up the High Street first. Apparently you could not discuss religion in public at one time. So me going on about how the Vicar speeds a bit in his car would have led to my incarceration! This town hides its history too well. Someone told me there are 42 tudor buildings hiding behind the shop fronts on the main street. Am tired as did not sleep well last night. Too busy thinking about PhD, lack of work and how comfortable l feel here after ten months. Need more friends and people to discuss my research work with. My partner busy writing school reports and worrying about his own art exhibition in Bath in July.

Today - June 3rd - l became a blogger! I live at Totnes in Devon. Moved here with my partner of 19 years just ten months ago from Bristol. l am a journalist and was a broadcaster - before the work dried up - and am embarking on a PhD. I am looking at the Post-War Evolution of the Museums and Art Gallery of Bristol with special reference to their Social Relevance. I have visitors. l can hear the gate opening. I will be back!